It's A Bittersweet Symphony

So we just got a new puppy, and I mean just. Apparently my Dad had mentioned to my mom that he was thinking about it so we took a look at some. Now if you've ever gone to look for puppies you should know that once you see them you absolutely cannot leave without one, and so we have a new puppy.

She’s a liver-spotted Dalmatian and her name is Charlie; why Charlie? Well cause my mom asked me, and I name everything Charlie, and I mean everything: plants, animals, and inanimate objects, all Charlie. In fact I’m listening to my ipod Charlie right now.

She fell asleep so I was told to put her in her bed, which is a kennel but isn't used for punishment, just for her to sleep in and so that she can't get up and into things in the middle of the night. Unfortunately I woke her up when I put her in there so she's whining until she falls back asleep. I came downstairs to play some gui and my music was on as it always is and to hear her whine in cue with the classical of the verve on my ipod’s tearing my heart out. Goddamned pup already has me under her spell. She's teething and lie to play, she tears my skin and I gladly donate my flesh to her. She's got me hooked with her one blue eye and huge paws.

Anywho, back to gui-ing, even though my wrist still hurts from playing less than an hour ago.

Lates.

There is no other pill to take, so swallow the one that makes you ill

Has medication just become a regular part of our day-to-day lives?

After listening to a lengthy conversation between my parents about my grandfather's latest trip to the doctor and the subsequent refilling of some of my parents own medications I started wondering how many people out there hold the same extensive collection of childproof amber bottles in their cabinets.

Have we strayed so far from a healthy natural lifestyle that our bodies can no longer function properly without supplementing the varied hormones and chemicals keeping us all going? My mother age 42 has just started taking new stronger blood pressure meds while claiming that she resorted to these pills only after several years of attempting to regulate herself through natural methods without success. As she's telling me this I can't help but think that I can't remember a single instance of any diet whose base didn't consist of large portions of red meat and varied forms of potatoes with a small side of whatever variety of frozen vegetables were thawed out in those few minutes before "dinner time"; meals such as this I avoid when at all possible. Nor can I think of her asking to tag along with me on any of my jogs, trips to the gym or whatever obscure form of exercise I was into at the time.

Now I have no beef with necessary medications, ie. My father takes one pill a day because he was born with a heart murmur, also my mother had her thyroid removed when she developed cancer in her early thirties and now takes a hormone supplement to regulate her metabolism and basically keeps her alive. Both of these to me seem like reasonable causes to take their specific medications. However; the idea of taking countless more medications for the purpose of encouraging an already unhealthy lifestyle seems absolutely ridiculous.

I do not consider keeping yourself alive and healthy to be an unnecessary hassle or a waste of time, because that’s what life is and when done poorly that life ceases to be. Nature couldn't have made this more simple, if you can't make time in your life to keep yourself alive than you must have your head permanently shoved up your ass

But I digress. Personally I am 20 years old and am on no form of medications, I am constantly active and take pride in keeping myself healthy. If at any time I start opting for the meds I plead that somebody out there track me down and push my face into some water until the bubble stop.

That’s it.

The Irony Of It All

God damn not getting fired seems to be a full time job... pun intended. Seriously though, life as a temp is wrought with pitfalls and bullshit. It all comes down to this last week; at least I think it does. They don't tell us temps shit they just keep booting us to the fucking curb without rhyme or reason.

It seems to me that plastics factories are the P.O.W, camps of the 21st century; but you know, without the death and atrocities.

Anywho, after working two weekends straight I thought I might get back in touch with the real world by blog surfin. It's a cool pastime, and allows me some interaction with much more interesting people than those I seem to be surrounded by in this not so virtual reality. Alas much to my chagrin I found very little of interest. Other than a couple chill people blogging their lives I've decided that most of this World Wide Web is filled with crap. By crap I generally mean Porn, idiots doing what they do best, and people bitching. Now don't get me wrong, the porn can stay but I have little to no use for the rest.

And so to sway my disappointment I jump head long into my fav solo game of tug-o-war
And as my eyes slowly roll back in my head I forget all troubles of this world. Some minutes later, laying back with cock in hand I got my second wind and apparently decided to add to the problems that got me worked up in the first place; but if you cant beat 'em... and all that crap.

So I’m back trying to stay awake to see if a certain interest of mine comes online to talk. Oh, I could call her and all but this way I can act all aloof and shite, cause I’m cool like that. But that’s cool I can get lit a play guitar for a few hours; I probably need the practice anyway.

I'll stop now in hopes of retaining the delusion of ever having had any dignity to start with.

No worries though lame is the black, and I’m lame as hell so go me [shit eating grin]

I'm done.

A Prelude to Pain

If you came here looking for something funny and light this isn't it.

So I’ve had death on my mind a lot over the last few months, actually I’ve had death on my mind a lot over the last ten years or so. The idea of death has scared the shit out of me since a very early age, so much so that before puberty I had found myself in the bathroom with knives on more than one occasion just at the thought of dieing. I know the idea of wanting to kill yourself because you're afraid to die doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I was a kid and had no idea how to deal with these kinds of problems. The truth is that very few people know how to deal with this kind of problem, and telling your kid to just not think about it is possibly the worst thing you can do.

Now for the catch.

I’ve always had serious issues with death, but I’ve never lost anyone. The only person I’ve lost was my grandfather when I was about six, but being as fucked up as my family is, I had no idea I had a grandfather on that side until he died. Having never really known him I can't attribute a sense of loss to his death.

Now going twenty years in this life with everyone I’ve ever loved still here with me sounds like incredible luck, which it is. The downside of course is that I don't know how to deal with the idea of loosing someone close to me. Even the thought of it turns my insides into an elaborate knot work, and to be honest it's been a few months since I’ve gone an entire day without thinking about it. I've been dealing though, if there’s one thing I can do it's dealing with shit.

The climax to this whole rant about death is that I’m loosing my other grandfather whom I’ve known and loved since birth, as far as I can tell. About seven years ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and he fought it. After chemo and surgery, we'd all thought he'd beaten it. It's back of course, and we were told moths ago that there’s nothing that could be done this time, and my grandfather was given until Christmas. Recently though he confessed that he doesn't expect to reach fall, and I believe him.

Now I’m not religious, or at least not in a way I could neatly present to you without the need of another post. I'll rather say that I’m very spiritual, but I by no means have the comfort of believing he's going to a better place. Although with the pain I know he must be in I’m sure even no place at all must seem to be a welcome change.

So my grandfather is dying and I’m a twenty-year-old wreck, and only for possibly a short time longer will I have the ability to say that I’ve never lost someone I loved. Death has always been in abstract to me, but I’m now haunted by just how real it is.

That’s all for now I think.

"When death is your greatest fear, living is the most dangerous thing you'll ever do"

Blunted

Well I actually just posted a second ago, I had planned on writing a nice post about the night I spent with my best friend Cristina. I meant for it to be poetic and with an old Bob Dylan feel to it, but it turned out like crap. It was cliché and contrived, and so I’ve decided to screw all that crap and just be myself. It won't be eloquent and it won't sound poetic or deep or rather if it does it will have been completely accidental.

So in keeping with being myself I just lit a joint and am planning to just giv'er on this post.

Last night was a perfect night out. Christina and I went out for a walk to the reservoir and just sat up top and looked out at the city. Of course you can leave it to me to think that 3am is the perfect time to listen to some chill music and sing into the night, god I’m lame. Isn't it great. The cold didn't stop us, the rain couldn't stop us, and drunken fights below caused only a minor inconvenience. So I guess that’s it, that’s my idea of the perfect night out. And I defy anyone to top it. Oh yeah and I got laid.... twice. Now beat it.

Just Me

So this is me. I am the social insomniac, which is just a bit of imagery to help describe how I feel sometimes. This'll be where I get to write about shite going on with my life. Excited?.. I know you are. I'll be honest: I'm pretty lame most of the time, so don't expect much. But if you've got low standards you've come to the right spot.

This site might be empty for a little bit cause I’ve actually got something to say and I’d like to get it right. So a little patience would be greatly appreciated.

That’s me.