concentrating on falling apart

He went peacefully to that place he never wanted to go. They brought him to his room, and he immediately undresses. In front of family, friends and the assortment of on-lookers who were sure to pass by.

I was told once that he seemed to have lost his pride. I think, rather, that he no longer felt obliged to hide from the world the man that he was.

Of course, I wasn't there, but I picture him climbing into bed calm, and more sure of himself than the rest of us may ever feel. For the first time in months, he lay down and slept.

My Grandfather battled cancer for the better part of a decade. No words I could use, could describe the boundless strength and spirit he possessed. He was more kind and brave than anyone I have ever met. And I loved him.

On the date of September 29th at 6:10pm Arnold Walter Peever passed away in his sleep. He will be forever loved and missed.

I will never forget you.

i love you i love you i love you i love you I LOVE YOU

My best friend had a secret; she's been keeping this secret for three years cause she thought that this particular secret was that last straw to send me running for the hills.

I'll start by explaining that we're both fucked up, seriously though the both of us have some fairly serious and yet probably fairly common mental problems; this I can now say with the utmost of confidence. Personally i hit complete bottom for the first time about two years ago after several years of heavy depression, and then once more about 10 months ago; why? Cause I’m a fucking moron who gets easily drawn back into my own compulsions. The really funny thing is that for both of us all of our friends are oblivious to these problems. How is that possible you may ask if these problems are as bad as you make them out to be? Well we're both just really good actors. Personally I play the part of a normal guy who's got his shit together like a champ, I got that shit down. We hooked up about three years ago and had this crazy connection. I always thought it was just an impossible coincidence that we found each other; she claims that we can smell our own. We both opened up to each other about damn near everything but when it came to our specific neuroses we were always vague and alluded to "dealing with shit". Over the course of our relationship we got a little more specific but always kept the details to ourselves, there’s just something so private about your own demons. I think because truly discussing your problems is the first step to dealing with them, and as much as you may want all these problems to go away the hardest thing you could do is let them go. Real neurosis is no different than heroin or crack, you know it's killing you but at the same time it's the only thing that’s making you feel alive. We broke up cause I had my first breakdown after which I told her what I was actually going through, and still go through cause I’m not sure you ever really get over it, not really. So she knew about me, but I’ve never prodded her to throw down her hand and dish her shit out on me, cause I know that it's not the kind of thing you can ever force out of someone.

So last night she was freaking out at the idea of going back to school because last year when I was away at uni was when she had her breakdown, and she's truly worried that it could happen again. She claims that she wouldn't survive it again, and I believe her in all truth and severity. So she starts telling me stuff still being vague but more open than ever before and it all starts ringing a bell. I know exactly what she means with every obscure comment, hidden meaning, and vagary.

So I asked her outright if this was at all like what I’ve been going through, of course it was, in fact it's the exact same. Oh I know we're similar sometimes I feel as if we can read the others mind, but this was a whole lot weirder. It made total sense, as soon as she said it; my mind went flying through all the things I had missed. It was so obvious and explains so much but I just never saw it. It was the last piece in the puzzle, and we were close, but there’s no doubt in my mind that we just got a whole lot closer in these last 24 hours.

"You’re my best friend, and I love you"

So this one is for my cutes. God damn you you crazy bitch, If you thought you were stuck with me before, you best believe that there’s no chance you're getting rid of me now.

I'm spent

Now here's a horoscope for everybody...

Sagittarius

The Sagittarius character: The Sagittarian want to be liked by everyone and will promise you the moon in order to get their own way. But they usually change their minds later and don't keep their many promises. 'Always put off till tomorrow what could be done today' is their motto. Sagittarians are always late. They take tremendous financial risks and are hated by bank managers. They are allergic to housework, they are also tactless and impulsive and can be a complete embarrassment at parties. Sagittarius are dreadful investment managers but make good bankrupts and trapeze artists.

The Sagittarius Lover: Sagittarians love the pursuit of love more than the act. The are incorrigible flirts and impulsively fall in love. They have an exaggerated self image foolishly believing that everyone finds them attractive.

The year ahead: With Pluto travelling through your sign it will no longer feel that it's a dog's life. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, and party.

Famous names: Mickey Mouse (Walt Disney).

Ok so maybe it's just a horoscope for me and all those other lucky December babies out there, but I like to put song lyrics for post titles and it was the only one I could think having to do with the zodiac.

Anywho, usually I don't put much faith in horoscopes, tarot, runes and all the rest of the new age crap that’s supposedly paving out of futures every day. Surprisingly enough I stumbled onto this "Dark Horoscope" thing and was dumbfounded by how accurate it seems to be, now I’m not trying to say that I believe that all us sag's follow this rule, but it's all me...all of it. Now obviously it's not painting a particularly flattering portrait of who I am, but to some degree or another I’d have to agree that those are my major faults. I do want people to like me, and it used to be a major hang up of mine, but I’m pretty much over that... but I never make promises, even if I can keep them. I procrastinate, I’m a huge flirt, and yes everybody most certainly does find me attractive.

Ok maybe it mostly resembles the person I was two years ago, and even that only vaguely... but still I found it a lot more accurate then most of the shit I’ve read about me.

Besides the ability to predict the thoughts of a 20 year old dreaded philosophic art lovin smart ass is a bit out of league, even for the stars.

That’s al I had to say, now I’m off to watch old Charleton Heston movies about eating people.

Done.