i love you i love you i love you i love you I LOVE YOU
My best friend had a secret; she's been keeping this secret for three years cause she thought that this particular secret was that last straw to send me running for the hills.
I'll start by explaining that we're both fucked up, seriously though the both of us have some fairly serious and yet probably fairly common mental problems; this I can now say with the utmost of confidence. Personally i hit complete bottom for the first time about two years ago after several years of heavy depression, and then once more about 10 months ago; why? Cause I’m a fucking moron who gets easily drawn back into my own compulsions. The really funny thing is that for both of us all of our friends are oblivious to these problems. How is that possible you may ask if these problems are as bad as you make them out to be? Well we're both just really good actors. Personally I play the part of a normal guy who's got his shit together like a champ, I got that shit down. We hooked up about three years ago and had this crazy connection. I always thought it was just an impossible coincidence that we found each other; she claims that we can smell our own. We both opened up to each other about damn near everything but when it came to our specific neuroses we were always vague and alluded to "dealing with shit". Over the course of our relationship we got a little more specific but always kept the details to ourselves, there’s just something so private about your own demons. I think because truly discussing your problems is the first step to dealing with them, and as much as you may want all these problems to go away the hardest thing you could do is let them go. Real neurosis is no different than heroin or crack, you know it's killing you but at the same time it's the only thing that’s making you feel alive. We broke up cause I had my first breakdown after which I told her what I was actually going through, and still go through cause I’m not sure you ever really get over it, not really. So she knew about me, but I’ve never prodded her to throw down her hand and dish her shit out on me, cause I know that it's not the kind of thing you can ever force out of someone.
So last night she was freaking out at the idea of going back to school because last year when I was away at uni was when she had her breakdown, and she's truly worried that it could happen again. She claims that she wouldn't survive it again, and I believe her in all truth and severity. So she starts telling me stuff still being vague but more open than ever before and it all starts ringing a bell. I know exactly what she means with every obscure comment, hidden meaning, and vagary.
So I asked her outright if this was at all like what I’ve been going through, of course it was, in fact it's the exact same. Oh I know we're similar sometimes I feel as if we can read the others mind, but this was a whole lot weirder. It made total sense, as soon as she said it; my mind went flying through all the things I had missed. It was so obvious and explains so much but I just never saw it. It was the last piece in the puzzle, and we were close, but there’s no doubt in my mind that we just got a whole lot closer in these last 24 hours.
"You’re my best friend, and I love you"
So this one is for my cutes. God damn you you crazy bitch, If you thought you were stuck with me before, you best believe that there’s no chance you're getting rid of me now.
I'm spent
I'll start by explaining that we're both fucked up, seriously though the both of us have some fairly serious and yet probably fairly common mental problems; this I can now say with the utmost of confidence. Personally i hit complete bottom for the first time about two years ago after several years of heavy depression, and then once more about 10 months ago; why? Cause I’m a fucking moron who gets easily drawn back into my own compulsions. The really funny thing is that for both of us all of our friends are oblivious to these problems. How is that possible you may ask if these problems are as bad as you make them out to be? Well we're both just really good actors. Personally I play the part of a normal guy who's got his shit together like a champ, I got that shit down. We hooked up about three years ago and had this crazy connection. I always thought it was just an impossible coincidence that we found each other; she claims that we can smell our own. We both opened up to each other about damn near everything but when it came to our specific neuroses we were always vague and alluded to "dealing with shit". Over the course of our relationship we got a little more specific but always kept the details to ourselves, there’s just something so private about your own demons. I think because truly discussing your problems is the first step to dealing with them, and as much as you may want all these problems to go away the hardest thing you could do is let them go. Real neurosis is no different than heroin or crack, you know it's killing you but at the same time it's the only thing that’s making you feel alive. We broke up cause I had my first breakdown after which I told her what I was actually going through, and still go through cause I’m not sure you ever really get over it, not really. So she knew about me, but I’ve never prodded her to throw down her hand and dish her shit out on me, cause I know that it's not the kind of thing you can ever force out of someone.
So last night she was freaking out at the idea of going back to school because last year when I was away at uni was when she had her breakdown, and she's truly worried that it could happen again. She claims that she wouldn't survive it again, and I believe her in all truth and severity. So she starts telling me stuff still being vague but more open than ever before and it all starts ringing a bell. I know exactly what she means with every obscure comment, hidden meaning, and vagary.
So I asked her outright if this was at all like what I’ve been going through, of course it was, in fact it's the exact same. Oh I know we're similar sometimes I feel as if we can read the others mind, but this was a whole lot weirder. It made total sense, as soon as she said it; my mind went flying through all the things I had missed. It was so obvious and explains so much but I just never saw it. It was the last piece in the puzzle, and we were close, but there’s no doubt in my mind that we just got a whole lot closer in these last 24 hours.
"You’re my best friend, and I love you"
So this one is for my cutes. God damn you you crazy bitch, If you thought you were stuck with me before, you best believe that there’s no chance you're getting rid of me now.
I'm spent
posted by Knattyb at 9:15 PM
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