The quiet things that no one ever knows

Well, I guess i really miss the way she used to always suck my cock. She loved it, I mean I loved it... but she loved it. I remember the look of dissapointment on her face anytime I had to tell her no. It was like telling a child chrismass was cancelled, half confused and half heartbroken. She would ask in her best voice of false confidence.

"Can I do it now"?

Knowing immediately what my awnser had to be I`d tell her stearnly.

"not now....But soon".

"oh... too fast" ?

laughing i`d awnser her. I`d make her laugh too. I`d make her feel strong and safe.
It`s what she wanted. She was what I wanted. we would be content, and then I would let her do it again.

As far as sex is concerned though nobody could hold a candle to this one... oh she was perfect. she moved just right. moaned so loud. and wanted me so much. we barely left the room and if we did something was sure to happen wherever we were. I could describe to you now every inch of her body. I have it mapped out in my mind. I would navigate her shores by the stars. I was commnd, and completely at her mercy.

" So you like that thing on your side huh"?

Catching her breath.

"mmm hmmm...How about you"?

"It`s alright".

We both knew I was full of shit. She made me special. she made me sure.She made me want her more with every word, breath touch, and I made her cum. There was nothing I ever wanted to do more.

Still, there was her. She couldn`t be tamed. She was strong. All I could do was run along side her. She knew what she wanted... and for a time it was me. She was direct, she had no shame.

" Lets fuck"

She said so sweetly, She wasn`t crass or overbearing. She knew I wanted her and She wanted me too. there was no reason to pretend we didn`t.

" ...."

I wasn`t shocked, or unsure of anything. there were just no more need for words. WE walked to one destination or another and scarred it with out bodies. A warm flattened patch of grass, a smear of flesh sealed in steam, or a broken table top. She set me free with her freedom.

"well"?

"huh oh sorry, did you ask something"?

"no. You just look like you`re thinking"?

"nope you fucked the toughts right out of me".

"Right... you know one day I`m going to find out what you thinkn about after sex"

"Be sure to fill me in when you do, ok sweetness"?

.......

No se nada

"I just don`t get what the point of it all is?"

"how do you mean?"

"Well I guess I just don`t see the point of writing if you`re not going to write ABOUT something."

"It`s really not about what I write about. The subject is entirely trivial. Actually I think I prefer when I write about nothing at all."

"That doesn`t make any sense, even when you`re writing about nothing you`re still writing about SOMETHING."

"Ok What I think I mean is that I don`t care what kind of story I write, It`s not about a happy ending or an ironic twist, It`s not even whether or not I think people will like it. It`s..."

"Ok now thats bullshit, I know you and I know that you always wish people will like it."

"ok, It`s true that I want people to like what I write, but thats not WHY I write. If you`re going to create anything, you need to know that you`re doing it for yourself."

" But don`t you think thats just all sentimental bullshit that you..."

"No this is it, bottom line. The world is this huge collective of voices and ideas, and sometimes I just need to know that my voice is out there. yeah...thats it."

He stood for a moment in silence before spitting the toothpaste out of his mouth. and walked back to the bedroom and opened the laptop carelessly placed on the edge of the bed. Sitting down, the girl beside him half wakes up.

"...what are you doing...?" She said sleepily.

"Nothing, at all. Go back to sleep."

She was then rocked flawlessly back to sleep by the soft and fluid sound of a keyboard contentedly at work.

This could be Monday

"Oh my God. Michael, you're back from your vacation; I'm so glad to see you. You'll have to tell me all about it, I'm dying to hear. You went to Las Vegas didn't you?"

"Yeah."


"Ah, I knew I remembered. Just put your briefcase down and get settled, I don't want to miss a thing. I actually went to Vegas myself a few years back with a friend. We had an incredible time. We did it all. We stayed in a casino and took in all the shows; oh you must have seen some shows. You'll have to tell me all about it. Didn't you just adore all the lights, it's so glamorous don't you think. What did you do first? You'd better not have some crazy story about getting married down there... but I seriously want to know. Oh I feel it all over again, the excitement and all, like I was back there right now. Did you loose a bundle? No you're too smart for that. But it can happen to the best of us. Oh look at me carrying on when you're the one with all the stories. So do tell me what you thought."

"It was absolute shit."



"But what do you mean, "it was absolute shit"? What didn't you like about it? There must have been some reason that you didn't like it. You'll have to tell me."

"Well, have you ever been to a place that was just absolute shit?"



"Well, I.. I mean yeah. Well of course I have "

"It was like that".

Suck and let go.

I can see her now. Her back is to me and she's facing the kitchen; she smells like lavender. I came in the back while she was in the shower. She doesn’t even know I’m here. I step closer to her, slowly, as the silky smell of flowers grow stronger. I can feel the air of dampness around her. I raise my hand to touch her face; but she's heard me now. She turns quickly, and I can see her eyes grow open in surprise. She might scream, so I thrust my hand under her jawbone, hard. She's mouthing something now, but lacks the breath to speak. I squeeze harder before I thrust her, by the neck, backwards into the kitchen and she winces. No one will hear her now. She immediately reaches for the door next to her, but I lunge forward to close it, almost catching her hand inside. I give her the back of my hand across her right cheekbone and she lands face down overtop the stove; she's not moving, but I didn't hit her that hard. Trying to push off from the stovetop, I push her face down into the cold element and she yelps. I love it when they cry out.

"You are just vicious, did ya know that"?
She laughs slightly before confidently shrugging. "I like it rough".
Turning to face her he smiles and says, "that's the understatement of the century".
"But don't worry Hun, you won't hurt me; not really" she says holding him closer.
"I still worry though,” he adds with a more serious tone.
"That’s sweet. But you really don't have to" still giggling.
"Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something", she looks up and smiles.

She seems frozen, bent over the stove and all. Still holding her down, I rip her towel off with one pull. Her body still wet and pale, it's almost too much. I feel I’m losing control. I stand behind her, pressing my hips into her ass and bend down to bite the crook of her neck. She reaches back to scratch me or something, but she got nothing. I dig my nails in under her arm and pull, slowly, down her side. She’s already bleeding. I throw my elbow into her back and, pull her face off the burner. "How do you want me to fuck you"? She's excited now. I pull her off stove by the hair. She turns quickly down the hall, so I push her hard, and she almost falls over.
The things I'm going to do to this woman...

"You want me to do what"!?!
"Rape me"
"But, uh..."
She laughs, "Calm down. It's not for real, it's like role playing".
"I don't think I feel comfortable" he stops half sure of himself.
" Don't worry, I don't want you to do it now, but someday. Don’t even tell me when".
"I'm sorry, but I really don't think I can".
"You will".

When she got to the bedroom she tripped over the mattress on the floor, I guess in all the excitement and all. I turn her over on the bed and start a combination of kissing and biting down her neck. She starts tearing her nails down my back, so I take my shirt off. I pin her hands down hard against the floor behind her head, then immediately start on her breasts, pulling her cold hard nipples between my teeth. She bites my arm while it lies across her face. I reach for the handcuffs to the side of the bed, She's the real thing, all steal, no safeties or anything. I pin her down by the hips and go to work. She tasted excited. I wrestle the rest of my gear off, pull her hard by the hair and thrust inside her. The cold steal of the cuffs dig into my back and I can feel the blood rush to it. It was the most intense sex I've ever had. The next thing I can remember is waking up, strapped to a hospital bed. Goddamn boyfriend came in and got me with a golf club, or so I’m told. Fucking pussy.

"Why the hell would you ever want somebody to rape you"?
"It isn't real rape...” she said now only half sure of herself.
"Yeah, but even so, what's the appeal"?
"I don't know, haven't you ever wanted to feel completely without control"?

Times to come were awsome.

If you have returned to find this message, than i have, no doubt, gone toboganing. It would appear to be shortly after twelve in the A M, and reading Matt Good for little more than four hours has surely driven me to insanity. Finally.

Worry not, for despite the apparent headache from either over, or under sleep, the likelyhood of me deciding to commit suicide by method of tobogan is only slight. More than likely I will return cold and hungry. And may god have mercy upon my soul.

P.S. I have stolen your MP3 player, hopefully it's music will give me sustinance in the times to come

- letter written to my best friend, when I decided to wait
for her to return from the bar.[happy birthday Christina]

Abuse me more I like it

“Who do you think has it better when it comes to sex?”
“Oh, we do for sure!” She says quickly, while reaching over his chest to grab another orange from the bedside table. She begins to peel the orange before adding, “this was a good idea, by the way”. He can’t help himself from staring at her body while she peels, “huh, oh thanks. Why though”? “I don’t know, it was just good fore-thought I guess”. It’s silent for a moment. She continues to peel before looking over to see him staring at her. Her sudden look of confusion is quickly replaced with sullen embarrassment. “Ha, you meant the sex thing… Umm, [chewing] I don’t know, I guess cause I get to just lay there and enjoy it”. He turns onto his side to face her. Still enamored of her, he traces the lines of her back with his eyes, remembering how she felt. “Yeah, but what about that thing you did when you were on top”. Listening to his question, she rests her next slice of orange just outside her mouth before saying, “you like that, eh”? Still chewing, he just looks to her and smiles. The next moments pass in covetous silence. “That’s, totally, not fair”, he mentions, breaking their silence and running his fingertips down from her shoulder, resting his hand on the turn of her hip. Hearing the seriousness in his voice, she turns to face him in opposition, and yelps. “What”? “I just sat in the wet spot”; she says moving towards him. Laughing he asks, “mine or yours”? Rubbing her ass to get the wetness off she quibbles, “does it matter”? Shrugging, as best he could while on his side, he continues. “What I meant was, that if guys have to do most of the work. How is it fair that sex feels better for the woman, that’s all”. Reaching for the last piece of orange she slaps his hand away. Taking the piece of orange herself, and offended now, she moves even closer to him. Now putting his hand on her hip, he begins to tell her that she’s laid in the orange peel before she interrupts him. She says, in her best interrupting-voice, and with orange still in her mouth. “What do you mean? You do all the work. Oh, and I suppose I’m just lying there”? “Hey, I didn’t say that”. “No? Ok, go on then. What were you saying”! “Umm, I’m not sure”. Quickly, and with more than necessary force, she pushes him onto his back. “Oh, I think you know”! Now straddling him, she grabs him by the hair and pushes his head down. “I suppose you’d rather do all this by yourself”? Still speechless, he just stares at her in surprise. She bends down and kisses him, hard, and pushes all her weight down on her hips. She leans back again and stares back. Taken aback, and out of shock, he laughs. “I love being wrong” he says wiping the orange peel from her right breast. And smiles.

I'm so fucking paro-

Welcome to my, really, fucking bad pot-cookie trip in motion.

I am sitting in my basement right now. Convinced. That zombies are about to break into my house, and try to kill and eat me.

I'm afraid of zombies, and have been since a small child. I used to watch every zombie movie I could because they scare the shit out of me. I still watch those movies, but I haven't seen one in months and still I know they're out there.

Holy shit I need to go to bed.

* Well I’m back, and straight.

As embarrassing as this post is it could have been a lot worse, as far as bad trips go anyway.

I have been really weird about zombies lately though, which should have been a good reason to stay away from the cookies for a while. Or least I should have not watched from dusk till dawn, but who can say no to anything Tarrentino affiliated. Alas this dreaded guitar junkie just gets a hankerin for the green sometimes. What is a boy to do?

Zombies though, yup, zombies are my one inexplicably retarded fear. I think I’ve seen just about every zombie movie worth seeing, and far too many that weren't. I'm a bit of an expert, but this isn't because of a morbid attraction, or just a corny love of the undead. No...It’s research. I am so afraid of zombies creeping out of the ground, that I’ve felt the need to watch these movies so I can see the strategies of the characters, and decide the best route to surviving a zombie crisis. Hmm, come to think of it, I don't know anyone that if they saw an army of corpses walking the streets and devouring people, buffet style, who would describe the even as a "crisis". Back to my original train of thought. I'm bad, if I’ve gone somewhere even half a dozen times; I’ve probably worked out in my head a zombie survival plan. I can only assume that my logic behind all of this would be, that in case of an apocalypse-like zombie attack, escape routes are key. What the fuck is wrong with me?

At any rate I suppose that the only responsible thing to do after divulging such a lame obsession, is not to seek counselling, or refrain from mentioning said obsession, or even to not post while tripping on psychedelic drugs. No, the only thing to do is post my zombie survival strategy.

Step one - Identifying Zombies

First of all, avoid living near cemeteries, secret government research facilities... or crazy voodoo witch doctors. This should avoid the unfortunate business of discovering the first zombie. More than likely in any residential area, you should be tipped off to the presence of zombies, by the running screaming masses. Avoid joining the running screaming masses. Most importantly. The ability to acknowledge the fact that zombies are, in fact, running around devouring the living will be your first test in zombie survival. If there are people running and screaming outside, and any of them are covered in blood and not screaming or running, or you happen to see any bite or maul any others, you've got zombies my friend. Don't be in denial. Don't be one of those pathetic jerk offs that have got this universe so figured out that you can't trust your own eyes, and go walking out into the streets to figure out what is "really" going on. The sooner you accept your situation, the more time you have to plan your way out.

Step 2 - up close and personal

If you are to survive a catastrophe such as an outbreak of carnivorous corpses [today’s post was brought to you by the letter C] you will inevitably need to kill a shit load of zombies. Now since I'm not so naive to think that movies have all the answers. I won't actually go out and say that shooting a zombie in the head will kill it. There may be no way to kill a zombie, but everything seems to point to sudden and extreme head trauma. So if you're anything like me and have no guns in your house, or on you at all times, look for anything heavy and blunt, preferably with range, or something sharp, also preferably with range. Do not concern yourself with looking for the "best " weapon, first just grab a weapon.
As your weapon collection expands, remember to always keep a melee weapon with you, guns are great but ammo runs out. Now, in case the head trauma doesn’t work and you've both, stabbed your first undead friend in the brain and beaten him about the head with your large blunt object of choice, only to find him still mobile and hungry, remember that decapitation it always an option. Because, even if it doesn't kill it, a headless zombie doesn't have a whole lot of chance of biting you.

Step 3 - escape [short term]

As a general rule, you should be looking for two main criteria in deciding your escape route. First is accessibility, the poorer the accessibility the better. If it's hard for you to get to, it'll be damn near impossibly for anyone to follow. My personal recommendation is rooftops, or rafters. Next is a large traveling area, with many directional options. Wherever you decide to go, you want to make sure that you don't get trapped. Suggestion. Once on your roof, try roof jumping, also make use of telephone wires, preferably if all the power shuts off, which eventually it will. As far as getting in you car and taking off. Remember that everyone else has probably thought of that. Expect highways to be jammed, and accidents to be everywhere. If you are somewhere with few vehicles around, this may be a viable idea.

Step 4 - Friends

Now personally, I have a list of people to contact and attempt to rescue in the even of a zombie attack. It will be a decision you will have to make on your own. If you're smart, than going solo is your best chance of survival, just getting away from people is the best chance of survival. Stay away from the zombies and stay away from their food. At the same time and more humanely joining a small group of people will inevitably increase you chances of fending off the zombies, which isn't the best strategy in it's self. Make sure to choose your group well, smart strong and fast people are who you're after; make sure they are more of an asset than a liability. I feel the need to mention this, cause it happens in every movie. Keep an eye on your groups injuries, cause somebody's gonna get bit and not tell anyone, then turn and take out most of your group. Do not hesitate to throw out any members who seem to be jeopardising the safety of the group. You friends in this world may not be the friends you want in a zombie rich world.

Step 5 - escape [long term]

From the devising of the very first stages of you survival plan, make sure to bring along as much [non perishable] food as possible; without overburdening yourself of course. Water is also a must, but be sparing, water is heavy and fairly abundant. I would be more apt to raiding a camping goods store for a few water purifying systems and filters. Also when looting, Do not take TV's designer shoes etc...[Sighs in reflection of the stupidity of some] also try and always loot backups for your looted goods, who knows where you're gonna have to ditch something, or might have something break. Other important lootables would be weapons, obviously, and armour. Seriously, bust into one of those places that sell swords and crap and snag yourself some chain mail. That whole "know thy enemy" works well in your favour in this situation, zombies are people, if you can do it so can they, and when have you ever known anyone to be able to bite through chain mail? Now as far as long term survival goes, you're gonna need to get yourself to the coast. Do not expect the army to step in at any minute and destroy the problem for good, if it happens great, but don't bet on it. We’re looking for long term, like the rest of your natural life, long-term solutions and there’s only one. A huge fucking boat. Personally I’d be looking for a fucking aircraft carrier. Get a shit load of people to stock it and sail out. The idea behind the military ship is the likely hood that it's already stocked with weapons. Do I hear island get away anyone? Just make sure to keep the boat in case any of those fucker decide to walk the ocean floor for a few years to eventually get to ya, a boat in mid sea is the only truly safe place to be at.

And that’s it, Set up a hammock between the barrels of two anti aircraft guns, and enjoy the rest of your life in bliss knowing you survived.... while the undead wander the earth for all eternity.

So... anyone think I should seek professional help yet?